My love affair...

I have a love affair that's sad to admit. A love affair with the perfect fit. The perfect fit resides in the perfect shoe. And my perfect shoes take me wherever I choose.

This is my affair and affliction that I am no longer willing to fight. Try as hard as I might, resistance is futile. I lie and I cheat. I'll beg and I'll borrow. For me, my goal is to run in a different pair with each passing morrow.

There is a long-held belief in our culture that women have too many women shoes. The myth also holds that this obsession is with fashionable, cute (a.k.a. painful) high-heeled shoes. While I may have my fair share of high-heeled shoes, my obsession/love affair has ventured down another path.

My love affair and shoe obsession is with running shoes.... More specifically, my obsession is with Nike shoes. Mainly because I have Flinstone feet. That's right. They are short, fat, and square. All my toes are the same length. Even better, this seems to be a family trait with a high degree of heritability. (I'd post a picture, but feet are never attractive.) My obsession remains true to this brand because they always fit my feet and don't vary from model to model. (In other words, I can order online and not worry about returning them, which the same cannot be said for women's clothing.)

However, this obsession is probably up to around 10 pairs in my closet (at least). My belief is that each pair needs to "breathe" at least a day in between use to maintain optimum performance. While there are studies to back up rotating exercise shoes, the studies have yet to recommend the need to own that many pairs.

But that doesn't stop me. I justify each pair as "motivation" and carry on. The only one who really has a hard time with my justifications is my husband. He has yet to understand why I need so many, because after all, you can only wear one pair at a time.

Fortunately, I found the perfect example to show why my justification is necessary. You see, the other day, he cleaned all of his boots. Yes, he uses them for work, to ride, and also to rope. But as he's told me, "You can only wear one pair at a time." Well, I kid you not, he had at least 30 pairs drying outside the back door the other day. We could've opened our own western wear store as long as all of our customers wore his size of shoe.

But after seeing his boots lined up neatly--each waiting their turn to go back in the house--I could only chuckle to myself. For you see, there in full glory was a brilliant example of how shoe obsessions are not limited to women and high-heeled shoes. I now believe his point on my shoe obsession is moot and my love affair is free to continue. Maybe one day he will agree. Until then, I will remain a firm believer of "the one who dies with the most shoes runs the fastest through Heaven's gates."

We are what we eat....

We've all heard the saying "You are what you eat." Well.... there are some days I want to be a chocolate souffle with a huge dollop of whipped cream and slivers of curled chocolate.... (Thank me later if you are now drooling too.)

I was somewhat conscious of what I ate before my stroke. Now, I am overboard on how I am eating. (Not saying this is the way to go.) Before I tried to adhere as closely as possible to eating clean. This is a concept that you basically eliminate all refined sugars and flours from your diet and eat more lean meats and WAY more fruits and veggies. (Lots of 'ands' in that last sentence. Sorry.) Now, I may be going overboard in avoiding things I previously enjoyed, but I am trying to eat as healthy as possible in the hopes of helping to prevent another stroke. (I realize there are numerous factors that influence it, but eating is one I can control.)

I was beginning to think that I might be leaning toward OCD in regard to things I am avoiding, and then Coke and Pepsi announced they were both changing their recipes to eliminate a potential carcinogen from their products. Don't believe me? Check it out: http://gma.yahoo.com/video/health-26594251/coke-pepsi-change-recipe-to-remove-carcinogen-28561131.html

Seriously??? They know it is a potential carcinogen and left it in their product for how long? Then in the last few days, I see that "pink slime" is added to hamburger meat that is served in some schools and fast food restaurants. Geez... What else can they do to what nature provides us... http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/03/is-pink-slime-in-the-beef-at-your-grocery-store/

Dang, as a farm girl, I am ready to get back to my roots and start raising a steer each year. Hubby is opposed to chickens, who thinks I could sneak a steer past him? I think I am going to try.

No matter what changes you are choosing to make in your pursuit of becoming a healthier you, it's always important to keep in mind that eating basics are better than eating man-made products. While basics may seem more expensive, refined products are typically empty calories your body stores as fat instead of receiving nutrition from them. So the more refined products tend to lead to weight gain, more doctor visits, and more prescriptions. For me, the benefits of eating basic outweigh the alternative of consuming refined products.

Also, I know the bandwagon fell apart when I was in the hospital, but I hope you stuck to it and continued to step on the scale to check your weight on Fridays. Plus, it has been long enough that taking pictures and measurements is a good idea.

Finally, I am looking forward to going for a run in the morning. (Yes, I really am that crazy.) It's been too wet or cold or lack of time has prevented me from doing so this week, but tomorrow morning I have no excuses. I hope you don't either.....

Trusty Rusty and Accuracy

For those of you who are still on the bandwagon, (If you've fallen off, GET BACK ON!!!), today's post will discuss scales.

Since my stroke, I have seen multiple doctors, stepped on multiple scales, and noticed something pretty comical (in my warped humor)--NONE of the scales weigh the same. Why is this comical? They are all at the doctors' offices, so shouldn't they be accurate? What I am seeing, is NO!!!

The scale I refer to as Ol' Trusty Rusty is the one I use at home. It is a scale endorsed (or made) by Weight Watchers. I don't know who makes it, but Weight Watchers is written across it, so I am guessing they have some affiliation with Rusty. According to him, I have lost 11 pounds since starting this blog. I am going to go with that for consistency purposes.

Last week I went to the doctor (OBGYN). If I had to guess, I would bet that this scale is the most accurate. Because there are a LOT of hormones that cross that scale each day, and I don't think you want to set one of those women off. Before that appointment, I stepped on Rusty so that I could compare readings. Ironically, I had to ask to get on the scale at the doctor's office. Crazy but true. I guess because this was more of a consultation visit about the medications I can no longer have.

What I saw was that Rusty and the doctor's scale were pretty close. I would say that they are the same, especially when you consider that Rusty sees me naked and pre-breakfast and the doctor's scale sees me with clothing and after breakfast.

Then, yesterday I had another doctor's visit to establish a primary care physician. I again did the same thing. Stepped on Rusty in the a.m., so that I could compare with this other doctor's scale. Same breakfast, similar clothing.

What I saw when I stepped on that doctor's scale was frustrating. I understand a pound or two of difference. But this sucker was more than FIVE pounds different that Rusty. I about freaked. But then, I got to thinking. (Scary, I know.)

As women, we ALL struggle with weight loss and self-esteem. It doesn't matter who you are, what you look like, or how much you weigh. We all think we can be smarter, thinner, prettier, etc. So in addition to those struggles, we need to make sure that we use a consistent measuring tool. This means that we need to use the same scale as a tool to track our weight loss. Different scales will manipulate our weight and either make us really happy or leave us truly depressed.

We also need to only measure ourselves BY ourselves. There will always be someone who is thinner, prettier, smarter, etc. But that is our OWN perception and is NOT reality. That person who you feel is better in an area may be envious of you in another. It all comes down to how we see ourselves.

So, if your goal is to lose weight, use the same scale to measure yourself each time. If your goal is something else, figure out a way to chart your progress against yourself--whether that is through pictures or another method.

The bottom line is this: Be the best YOU that YOU can be. There is no one else like YOU, so don't measure yourself by someone else!

The Great Outdoors

There is a lot to be said for just getting outside. Our lives today are much different than those of our ancestors who lived 100 years ago. While I would like to go back to when things were simpler, I don't think that I could give up many of the innovations that have occurred within the last century.

However, one of my greatest joys in being outside is being around horses. I could be cleaning stalls, picking hooves, or just breathing in their scent, and I still feel that all is right with the world. Like my mother's side of the family--I LOVE horses. Growing up, I would eat, sleep, and breathe horses. If there was a way to be around horses, you can bet your last dollar that I would do it. I often like to think that my Grandpa Keith would be proud of the horsewoman I have become.

Now, I may not be the handiest with a rope... In fact, my enthusiasm for roping diminished rapidly after catching my thumb in the dally the only time I ever got to the horn. Which is a huge reason I'd rather learn to run barrels than to become proficient with a rope.

First time roping live cattle (My form is awful.)

I am not sure who said it, but there is an old saying that goes something like this, "There's something about the outside of a horse that's good for the inside of a man."

Now you may be wondering how my rambling applies to the blog. My point is that we need to get up from our desks and get outside more. Whether that involves a horse or talking a walk, it is so refreshing and relaxing to get outside and feel the soft breeze or be nuzzled by the warm sun. I don't care if you do it because you are trying to get your Vitamin D or just need to escape the workplace politics. The point is to do it. Recharge your batteries--it's essential for the soul.

The best place I have ever found to recharge is on the back of a horse. All my troubles and worries seem to melt away as the saddle rocks me to peace and the creak of leather sings to my soul.

Most relaxing place in the world for me

So whether it's going for a run, taking the dog for a walk, or hiking a mountain, get out and enjoy the beauty which God created.

A bump in my journey...

On February 14, 2012, life as I knew it changed in dramatic fashion. The day began like most. I hurried to get out the door and to work as close to 8 a.m. as possible. (I have a 2 1/2 year old. Cut me some slack. If I make it by 8:30, I'm on time.)

That morning I exchanged emails with my advisor, mentor, and friend who had suffered a stroke recently. At about 10:15, I called the USDA's help desk with a clearance issue that resulted in both parties being frustrated with the other. I believe mine was more valid since they had issued me a user ID that was already taken and then argued with me about it. Fortunately, the issue was resolved, but it also generated a pounding in my head located just above my forehead.

Headaches are nothing new for me. Truth be told, I have chronic headaches and chalked this one up as just another annoyance that medication could fix. That day's choice was BC Powder, which is aspirin in a powder form. If you've never taken it, there is some skill involved. You have to dump the packet onto your tongue and have a beverage waiting. You can't breathe through you're nose because then you'll taste it (and it's horrendous) and you can't breathe in through your mouth because the particles will be inhaled causing you to cough, sputter, gag, choke... You get the picture. It's not pretty and it's not ladylike. It can also lead to you spewing it all over your desk and having your drink come out your nose. (Not that something like that has EVER happened to me.)

By noon my headache was still pounding, but I was determined to work out at lunch. (Hubby and I had decided not to fight the crowds at lunch and just have a nice dinner at home.) So I grabbed my bag and V8 Fusion and made the trek across campus to the rec center. I drank the juice along the way and returned a call to my mother-in-law.

By about 12:15, I was checked in, dressed in workout gear, and headed to the top floor for some cardio. I started on the rowing machine. Started being the key word. That lasted about 2 minutes when I thought that running on a treadmill was more important. (One of my goals had been to do the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k in Fort Worth.) So, I got off the rowing machine and headed to the treadmill, which is when the details start to get fuzzy....

My headache had not budged, but I wasn't too worried. I didn't feel quite right, but it wasn't different enough for me to be concerned. I got on the treadmill, pushed in the information so that I could log distance and calories, and the next thing I remember is waking up in the locker room...

I came to as if it were all a really bad dream. I remembered dreaming about trying to find the women's locker room and having trouble locating it. In the dream, I also didn't feel well. When I woke up, I was sitting on the bench, with my head in my heads, and had no clue how I got there.

I looked at the clock. HOLY COW!!!! That couldn't be right. It read 1:45. I thought the clock was wrong, so I checked my phone. My phone said the same time as the clock on the wall. What had I been doing in the last hour and a half??? I had no idea. I was still in my workout clothes. I didn't feel like I had sweated. I was panicking due to the length of time I had been gone and that I had a meeting that afternoon.

So, I scrambled to get dressed. My hair was a mess. It looked like I had tried to pull it out. I looked horrible, but that didn't really register. After I dressed, I "hurried" out of the rec center and headed back to my office. Truth be told, I was having troubles walking but thought I was doing things as normal.

I passed in front of the police station. An officer was pulling out and waved at me. I had NO clue who it was. I gave him the "I don't know you" look and walked past his car. He rolled down the window and asked me if I was just going to be rude. At that point, it registered somewhere that I knew this person but I could not tell you his name. I pulled my sunglasses down and said, "I don't feel well." He told me that I didn't look good and that he was going to take me to my husband and to call him. During the car ride to my hubby's work, it finally dawned on me that the "cop" was the Police Chief on campus and a good friend of mine.

My husband will tell you that my conversation made no sense. Although, I thought I was totally coherent. In actuality, I was having trouble talking, as well. Upon arriving, the chief told my husband that I needed to be taken to the ER immediately. But in my addled state, I first made hubby go back to my office so I could get my purse and insurance card. (Cause I know how the hospital seems to work--no one is seen until you can show that you will pay something for any treatments received.)

My appearance also created concern with my officemate, which further confirms that I was the only one who thought I was looking and acting normal. From there, we hurried to the ER. At this point, I started praying. It was a simple prayer. I just asked God to "Please, let me be OK." I was thankful that the doctor was a fellow Aggie, so I knew I was in good hands. But from there, everything seemed to go to hell in a handbasket.

After filling out paperwork, having blood drawn, etc., they did a CT Scan on my brain. It revealed several locations where bleeding had occurred, one of which was very recent. At that point, the decision was made to send me to Fort Worth on the helicopter for further testing and to determine whether I had had a stroke or a seizure. Before loading me on the helicopter, they drew more blood and placed IVs in both arms. The guys on the helicopter were wonderful. Whatever they gave me oozed through my body and immediately took away the pain because, lucky me, the headache was still in full force.

Upon arriving at FW, it was more questions, more tests, more everything.

To make a long story a little shorter, I'd had a stroke caused by cavernous angioma. This is a genetic condition that affects 0.4% of the population (predicted to be higher, but not all are symptomatic). It is a malformation of the arteries and capillaries in my brain that allows polyps to form at the ends. Periodically, these will burst and result in bleeding on the brain. Typically, those diagnosed with this condition will suffer a stroke between 30 and 40 years of age.

Isn't that fantastic? I won a genetic lottery....for CRAP! If I were actually winning a genetic lottery, I would look like a supermodel or be as brilliant as Einstein. Dang it. No such luck for me.

But you know what? That's OK. Yes, I will always be at risk for another stroke. I can't ever ride a roller coaster again. I can't ever take aspirin, ibuprofen, or anything else that may thin my blood. But...other than that, I can lead a normal life.

More than anything, this event has enhanced my sense of gratitude and given me a new perspective on life. I am so very thankful for my friends and family who expressed concern and extended offerings of help. I am truly blessed with wonderful people in my life. But I also have been given the gift of a new perspective: My time was not up. My work here is not yet finished. God has something greater for me in store and I intend to do it.

He also answers prayers beyond what we ask. I just wanted to be OK, He did way more than that. I have no lingering effects other than being tired, which will improve over time, and I will have to take a headache preventative for the rest of my life. But that is it! God is great and loves beyond measure!

The time for me is now. I need to live each day to its fullest. No more excuses. No more putting off until tomorrow. The best is yet to come and I intend to achieve it. I encourage each of you to do the same.

I am so grateful for each one of you. I am so thankful for my greatest gift who calls me "Mom" and who comes up to hug me and say, "I love you Momma."

We all have bumps in our journeys, but we can't let them alter our course. The bumps just change the scenery and provide more stories for us to share.

I am choosing "Behind Me" and encourage all of us to do the same. Don't let the little things bog you down and prevent you from doing great things and becoming a better you. Enjoy the journey because only one person knows when each of our journeys will end.

Happy Friday

Today I will end with some helpful information, a little comedy, and a gentle reminder that today is check-in day. So get on Trusty Rusty and write down his output. (I call him that because he resides under my sink.) Remember, this is about being on a journey and changing our previous course so that we are headed in a better direction.

I have been craving something today and I'm not sure what. I don't know how accurate this table is, but you never know. It's all about deciphering cravings, which is really our body's way of telling us what it needs. Check it out:

There was a recent article I read that discussed reasons to not drink soda. Last night on the news, they mentioned that Pepsico was cutting jobs because soda sales were down. Maybe it's because people are figuring out the most prominent science experiment being conducted on humans--drinking soda. The article I read mentioned that high fructose corn syrup is a fairly recent development...although the United Corn Refiners or whatever they are try to tell us otherwise. Personally, I try to avoid HFCS. The article continued by saying that soda contained ingredients found in flame retardant. SCARY! But even worse than that, aside from the excess calories having a party on your butt, drinking soda coats the outsides of our organs with a layer of fat. SAY WHAT?!?!?

And diet soda isn't any better for you. Aside from no calories, the ingredients list includes mainly chemicals with the same scary side effects as regular soda. Add in that most diet soda is made with aspartame, which has a laundry list of side effects. I can't have anything (including gum) with aspartame because it will give me a migraine within 10 minutes that lasts for THREE days. Nothing I take for it will make it go away. All of this adds up to me no longer drinking soda. If I crave carbonation, I reach for Perrier.

Finally, I'll step off my soapbox and leave you with a visual of why I try to avoid eating out....

Hearty Beef and Veggies Bowls

Here's a recipe that's way yummy in the tummy and SO good for you. I made these the other night out of the March 2012 Clean Eating magazine. I love that magazine. All the recipes I have made have been wonderful and have more than a 90 percent approval rating from my hubby. This is another one that was hubby tested and he approves. In his words, "This is my kind of meal."

Here's what you do:

I started by browning 1 pound of lean ground beef in my skillet. (The recipe calls for safflower oil, but I omitted and just sprayed my skillet with olive oil cooking spray.)

(Next time I'll use my camera instead of my phone.)

Once all the meat was browned, I added the bell peppers, corn, tomatoes, and Worcestershire sauce.

Bring all of it to a boil. Cover, reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes until the bell peppers are tender.

Remove from heat and stir in cumin, vinegar, salt, and black pepper.

Spoon into bowls and top with sour cream and cilantro (I forgot the cilantro). It was really yummy!

(The picture in the magazine is much prettier. I'll try to work on my presentation as well.)

It makes 4 servings. Here's the stats:
Calories: 274
Fat: 9 grams
Carbs: 22
Protein: 28 grams
Fiber: 6 grams
Sugar: 10 grams

Recipe:

1 tsp. safflower oil
1 lb. extra-lean ground beef
2 cups diced green bell peppers
14.5 oz. boxed or jarred, unsalted diced tomatoes
1 1/2 cups frozen corn, thawed (I forgot to that it first and it turned out fine.)
1 1/2 Tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. balsamic vinegar
1/2 tsp. each of sea salt and ground black pepper
Low-fat sour cream
Cilantro